My Rebirth.....of Water, of Fire, of Love and of time.....

Three years ago as of last month I made a choice. This choice has changed my life. It changed for the good. Sometimes it has felt like it has changed for the worse. This change in makes my life feel so much different then what it was before. Like the life I had before almost, was just a dream. Three years ago come June 28th was the day that I decided to enter the waters of Baptism. It seems so weird to talk about this because I hadn't really thought about it for a while, heck I haven't really had my heart in the faith for some time now. Both my faith and testimony has shrunk to such a size that it feels lost in my heart.

I remember my investigation and conversion. I had just decided to look into the church after having been Anti-LDS for as long as I've had a "knowledge" of God. This change of heart came because of a life changing experience mixed with the influence and love of good people in my life. Cooper being one, as well as others such as Blake, Taylor, Lacey. He pushed me to come to church, that was scary, not only have I not been to church in years at this point but I had not been to a LDS church since I was in J.R. High. After a strong testimony from someone that I used to buy pot off of Cooper decided to make my first appointment with Elder (Cris) Stiles and Elder (David) Rummler. I was NOT a happy camper at all. I did not want to take the lessons (not knowing how the process worked of course) and I did not like missionaries at all. To make a long story short we became great friends, they taught me so much, and those lessons where some of the best memories I have had about my life in the past few years. I have to thank Cooper and Lu for this because of not for their love, patients, and unending supply of Breakfast Pockets, I don't think I would have converted; I will always love and be indebted to them for this. I remember the Spirit, the love, the clarity of mind and heart that I had felt during this time. I also remember running my missionaries all over town, calling them at all hours of the night, playing horrible pranks and always trying to bug them for free LDS videos and swag. I also remember the lesson about the Temple that made me cry, the trip with Cooper and Lu to Temple square and how in awe I was with it all. Yes even though I have lived in Utah and been to Temple square before, I had never felt what I felt that day. It was because of all of this, plus hours of study and discussion and questions with Blake and Taylor at work (when I should have been working) that changed my heart, and my mind. I wanted to get baptized.

(For the love and effort of everyone that helped me get to this point, you will always have my deepest love and gratitude, thank you!)

I remember the day of my Baptism very vividly. I didn't really sleep much last night because I had been very nervous about being baptized, what if I couldn't live up to the standards? What if I didn't want to? What if I flaked off on this commitment like I had with others in my life? I had a ton of questions in my mind mixed with a resolve to do my best because I KNEW that it was true beyond a shadow of a doubt, I had been through too much in my life, even so much in just that last year to be able to deny the truth that is the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. I remember June 29th, hotter then heck, an absolutely beautiful day, I couldn't have asked for more. I had my missionaries speak as well as Blake and Taylor speak. I was so excited, nervous and happy by this point and their talks where awesome! I had people there that I hadn't seen in a long time and others that I didn't believe that would have come, like my own parents. I am proud to say that it was Cooper that baptized me, he did such a good job, even though he clowned me afterwards because the changing room was cold, I was wet, so I had shrunk. Still does to this day the bastard. Afterwards Cooper and Lu had a BBQ in their backyard in my honor for the day which was a lot of fun. I remember the next day being my confirmation, again Cooper did the deed as well as others, it was such a peaceful day and by the end of the weekend I was as happy as I could remember.

This whole experience has to be by far, one of the best experiences I have ever gone through. I remember the excitement, the happiness, the willingness I had to do everything I could in the church, not just advancing, but serving my callings, I read and I studied and I pondered for hours. I was excited every time I got a new book, or learned something new. My life for once had purpose, happiness, peace, love, excitement, among so many other positive feelings that I can't describe, I even remember my first experience with personal revelation (or I should say the first time I recognized it for what it is). I felt so blessed to have had it, I felt blessed and loved for every, and I mean EVERY little thing that I was blessed to experience and feel.

Where has that gone? Where have I gone wrong? Was I right in thinking that I would flake out, was I wrong in thinking that I would actually do this? The new car scent of being a new member has worn off and that makes me sad, because that excitement of being a new member not only kept me going, but it made me happier then I could remember. I wish I could still feel that way, I miss it so much that it hurts. What also hurts is knowing that I now need to rely the principles of the Gospel without that new member excitement and grow a true and deeper testimony without the training wheels.

I realize that's what I've been doing these first couple of years, riding the bike of the Gospel in my life with training wheels on and the Lord has taken them off and so far I have fallen off my bike and am just barley trying to get back on and ride. Can I do it, do I still want to? I think I do, and I am going to try my hardest because I do love God, I love Jesus Christ, I love the Gospel and the Temple in all that they both are and give me in my life. I know this is true, even if I haven't felt it, or lived it, I know it is, and because of this I will get back on track. I will grow, I will ride that damn bike even I fall off 100 times. Because as long as I am trying to ride it, I know I will be doing the right thing, even if it hurts, and I know that it will, and I know that one day I will ride it and not fall, that's the goal and with the Lord with me where ever I go, I know I will make it!

Elder Cris Stiles on the left and Elder David Rummler on the right

                       

My parents, Cooper and I

Cooper and I

My Friend, My Savior, My Father in Heaven

As some of you may know, I've been on a quest to write about each one of my friends that I've had in my life that has made a big impact. In this post I would like to write about the Godhead that consists of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. All three are as one in purpose and all three yet are separate beings though at times you would never know. Some of you reading this may not agree with me and instead believe in the Trinity which shouldn't interfere with your ability to relate and see where I am coming from in this post (I would hope) so please don't be turned off from reading this because of it. Some of you may be asking "why write about who you worship if you are writing about friends"?  I thought that the timing is right because it's Fathers day this Sunday, I am now a father myself which has changed my view of love, and this month will mark 6 years since I embraced The Gospel and became a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.


There is one thing in life I have very little doubt of, and that is that there is a God. He is my Father in spirit as he formed my soul and my life before this life here, as well as in birth when he breathed life into Adam's lungs after the Earth was created. I have been privileged enough to see His hand in my life; though it's normally in retrospect but never the less, I've seen it time and time again.The very fact that His hand has been in my life amazes me. I've even seen His hand in saving my life a few times. One time that I can account for and share is when I was a child. My parents and I lived in Homestead Florida at the time and our house was about to be hit by Hurricane Andrew. My parents where determined to drive me to my Aunts house in Tampa, drive back, and then stay in our house to protect it from looters so that nothing was stolen. This brought a great dread in my heart and mind like I had ever felt to that point. I knew, and I mean I knew for certain that if they where to stay, they would surely die but it's hard to explain how I even knew that then. This information came as a huge knot in my stomach that I have rarely ever felt in my life. Now there had been times that I've stood up to my parents in my life up to that point, but I had never stood up to them like this; not only did I do what a 9 year old would do which included begging and crying but I ended up speaking as if I was possessed and was able to be very convincing. They ended up being convinced enough to leave and stay in Tampa with me.

After the hurricane passed my parents went back to our home; most of the roof was gone and the air conditioner was pushed from one end of the house, down the hall until it was half way through our single floor house. My parents came back and thanked me for convincing them to stay in Tampa because they would have died and there was no doubt in their minds of that. I didn't know it then but my Heavenly Father was planting a seed and gave me my first piece of personal revelation and the first real feeling of Holy Spirit. This I know now and I cherish this.

I don't know what my purpose is in life, I don't know why I deserve His love, His protection, and His blessings. But I am so very thankful for every single time He has saved me and look forward to fulfilling His purpose. As long as I don't lose my spirituality, my faith, and don't give up on myself and my covenants with Him along the way.


There is nothing that I am more thankful for or feel horrible about as the marks on my Saviors hands, wrists, and feet (or more likely ankles). I hate knowing that he was cast out by His own people, scourged, beaten, spit upon, and bled from every pore while He took all of our sins upon His back and soul. He volunteered to take all of this because of me and my mistakes; all because His love for me is so pure, so strong, and so deep, just like the perfect and spotless lamb that He is. If you know me or have read my other posts then you would know that I have a past, and a lot of my past isn't pretty. I seem to sin constantly and there are even times where you would question whether or not I am actually trying to be more like Him. Well the truth is, is that during those times I really am not, I don't care, and I end up making my fair share of mistakes. This is why I am so very thankful for my Savior and His Atonement. When I have sinned, or have stopped caring,or have not fulfilled my responsibilities; I know I can be forgiven, washed clean, and resumed to be worked upon to change for the better as long as I come back to Him. I know I can't do this on my own and that's why I am thankful for grace. I know that when I am trying my best He's not just covering me to make up for what I can't do on my own. What His grace really does is covering me as a whole; for paying back Justice because He has mercy and love for me that I cannot even fathom. Now if I could just use His Atonement more and allow it change me so that I don't always try to revert to who I was and instead become something better.

I look forward to the day when I can wash His feet with my tears and to feel His embrace instead of just dreaming about it.


The gift of the Holy Spirit is something I want to have more in my life. I am so thankful for His presence when  I am in the proper mindset, which is something I am not very good at. I know when I have it with me though because of how it makes me feel; there is a different feel to life, to love, to confidence, and the ability to do things I would not normally be able to or know how to. To have things come to mind or feelings helping me to determine courses of action. To not be alone in Spirit, to feel Angels in my presence, to be reveled things of the Spirit to help me in my journey in this life. To be able to determine how to bless and serve others and to understand things I normally would not be able to understand or perceive with my own eyes. To have His help to give someone a blessing of comfort or healing when I use the Priesthood. To maximize the callings I am given to serve others. I personally give the Holy Spirit credit for those little moments in life that make you smile. So you take sunset or sunrise; you see them all the time, they are an everyday part of life. But there are times where the moment really hits you and it's more beautiful, more meaningful, and sometimes seems like a glimpse into Heaven. When we have one of those little moments, it's the Holy Spirit helping you to feel a spiritual glimpse into Heaven, so you can feel that warmth to remind you what home really is. I am so thankful for all of those moments I have. Whether it's looking into the eyes of my wife or child, time in the Temple, the smile you receive from someone you feed or helped, or even just seeing a lady bug on a flower. These small little moments are bigger then we realize and I believe that the Holy Spirit is the reason why we have those.


I am not perfect and there are lots of times I feel very undeserving of the love and blessings I receive. How could someone like me deserve perfect love, grace, forgiveness, and companionship? The friends and family that have in my life. My parents and all they do and who they are. My beautiful wife and for her taking care of me, being there for me, and being my best friend. For being blessed with one of the things I've always wanted; a beautiful baby girl. My little princess has helped change my perception of what love really is and deepened my love for others on a level I never knew possible. I don't understand why I deserve such things like going from my parents basement to a home of my own and always being taken care of in the process. For having the ability to take care of my family temporally, mentally and spiritually. For the little and greatest moments in my life. and for being trusted to help and serve His other children.

I am so very thankful for my whole life. The good times, the bad times, the times my heart has been shattered and the growth it's caused; to the biggest joys I have ever had. For being able to learn and grow. Most importantly, to be able to keep trying no matter how many times I fall.

My God, my Savior, and my Companion. You are all my Father, my Friend, and my Teacher. I love and thank you all for everything. I cherish my life, the covenants we've made, and all my blessings.

Most of all, thank you for still loving me, even if it's while I am pushing you away.

My Wife and I at the Draper Temple after we where Sealed.

Nauvoo 2010, one of the most spiritual times I've had.

My mom and I on the day I was baptized.

Me at the Holi Festival of Colors in 2012.

The Catholic Monastery (one of the times I've stayed there).

The Catholic monastery's chapel.

One of those little moments with my Sammy Dog.

Another one of those little moments.

Since I was buried and reborn in water and in the flame (Seeing the fruits of change and conversion)

 "When you see people throwing stones at the mango tree, you know they are doing so because the tree is bearing good fruit" -African proverb


Today marks the 6th year anniversary since I've joined the LDS church. Regardless of what you believe, don't believe, agree, or disagree about the church/religion I decided to become apart of, know this. I know that the Gospel has helped me help myself become a more loving, caring person. A husband, and a father when in my past I thought so low of myself that I never foresaw family. All I ever saw for myself was loneliness, depression, and death. Regardless what you believe religion to be, I know for me that it's helped me to become more of a free thinking individual and not another drone to this hectic world. My spirituality has become deeper, and I see bigger connections with others, their beliefs, and their traditions. I as well as discover what my convictions really are made of, that I have potential, and that every day I see more of my own worth.

I never wanted to become or thought I would ever be LDS, let alone want anything in addition my spirituality. I know this is the path that God wants me on; this journey has not been easy. Some may ask, "has it been worth it?" Honestly it depends on the day, but no matter what I feel or is going on in my life, I know it's what I am supposed to be doing. I am thankful for my friends for standing by me and keeping me safe in times of self destruction. I am thankful for those who choose to help me through self discovery and this expanded view of what we are all apart of. I am thankful for the example of my parents, even though they may not "perfect"; they've sure been bigger examples of what a real follower of Christ is supposed to be then most "Good Christians" talk about being. For me, embracing the Gospel has made me into a whole new man. I see this when I compare myself to who I was when I first started this journey 7 years ago after waking up from a week long hangover from alcohol poisoning. Who knew that the one of my worst experiences would become the catalyst to the start of one of my greatest journeys? Which ever God you believe or don't believe in, I know in the end, they are all the same God, just with different names and this God, OUR God knew, He knew what what happen, and knew what I could become when I knew not. That is why this day is always so important to me.

I hope that whoever may read this may already know who you really are, what your potential and worth are to yourself; those you love, and those you may not realize need you. If you do not,  I know you can; it may take effort and sacrifice. It will probably take more patience then you think you have, but know that if you really open your mind and heart, you will see it, know it, and feel it one day.

Just like my first hike up Malan's Peek, changing my life and embracing the Gospel has been a long hard journey that has been worth it!

Nauvoo "The City Beautiful"

"When Joseph Smith stood on this hill after his escape from Missouri in 1839, the spot was wooded and trackless and swamps covered the lowlands behind him. But he could see the glistening river with its islands lying to the north like lush garden places, and the green Iowa hills beyond. ‘It is a beautiful site,’ he said fervently, ‘and it shall be called Nauvoo, which means in Hebrew a beautiful plantation.’ “Nauvoo” had the melancholy music of a mourning dove’s call and somehow matched the magic of the site.” 




One of the most rich, long lasting, and intense spiritual experiences I've had in my life thus far came from a trip I was blessed to be a part of to not only a historical site; but a place of very deep spiritual significance for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and the Community of Christ.

For those that don't know what Nauvoo is; it's a city in Illinois on the banks of the Mississippi that the Mormons moved to in order to escape the "Mormon Extinction Order" made into law in Missouri  after months of harassment, rape, murder, among other things they endured over and over again while there. Nauvoo at first was really nothing but a swamp until the Mormons drained the swamp, many becoming sick and dying of disease at the time. After the swamp was drained, they turned it into one of the biggest, most beautiful cities east of the Mississippi. Mormons and non Mormons alike lived and thrived there making it the second largest city in the state until the Mormons moved west. This whole cities history and the LDS Church's history at the time are all too very interesting and I could go on forever; I would challenge you all to look into it and study when you have time. Now with that Challenged issued, I would like to talk about my trip and experience there.


I went to Nauvoo from July 21st-July 24th with my Young Single Adult Ward I was attending at the time with a big debt of gratitude to the Bishop who made all of it happen. For me at least, this was my Mormon version of a "Pilgrimage of Mecca". I don't say that to cheapen either experience so let me explain. At the time I was very insecure as well that I was suffering from a long and deep bout of depression and anxiety because of a broken heart I was trying my best to heal from. I also at that time in my life and for a long time before, I had issues being away from my comfort zone (my home/room), so even though it wasn't that far from home, it seemed like a world away in my mind. These feeling where made so very worse after a long night of tossing and turning, plane hopping from Utah, to Las Vegas, to Arizona, and finally to Missouri. From there we took a three plus hour bus ride and finally got to our hotel. I was so burned out I couldn't eat even though I hadn't eaten since early that morning and even though I was scared to death, my nerves fried and on high alert, I was excited there was an abundance of the Spirit there.

Spending time gambling while waiting for our flight our of Vegas

Our first real day there was all of the normal stuff that all the LDS tourists do when they go; check out the museum the LDS church has there and all of the area that the LDS owns (half is owned by them and half is owned by the CoC). There was some really cool places to visit like the Browning home, yes John Browning of Browning Arms was Mormon and his Nauvoo house has lots of really cool guns. The most memorable experience I had there though was the Lucy Mack Smith house. As you may or may not know, the church as senior missionaries (missionaries who serve in the twilight years). Sometimes these senior missionaries get called to Nauvoo to play the part of different people and otherwise serve as guides. Sister Reber was assigned to the Lucy Mack Smith house and had an incredible experience. She was serving her mission alone because her husband died and has degenerative arthritis that made it hard to move around the house. So did Lucky Mack Smith and Lucky too was a widow among other things that they both shared. Her spirit really shinned when she bore her testimony and I will always remember just how deep it felt. That night we went to the Navuoo Pagent, it was a great performance, though what I remember most is the feeling of peace and happiness I had along with watching the fireflies buzz around in the darkness. One other thing about that day really left a strong impression on me. I was in the John Taylor house and they show case his sons rocking horse that John made for him. I was told a story about how after the Mormons left Navuoo to head west, his son realized that his rocking horse was left behind and was devastated. John Taylor went back for it; this was extremely dangerous because by then the Anti-Mormon mobs had taken over and was occupying/destroying the city. He was able to sneak in and back out with the horse to the delight of his son. This story of love and dedication of a father to his child has helped to serve as a model of how to be now that I am a father.

The Nauvoo Temple in the Background.

Happy as a clam after getting a Genuine Nauvoo Brick

Cute little family watching the blacksmith make a little horse shoe.

John Taylor's son's rocking horse

Sister Reber

The Nauvoo Pagent

  Day two for me was just pure magic. We started the day off on the Community of Christ side of Nauvoo which has the Mansion House, the Red Brick store, among other key sites and what made it even more special is that we had a guide there that could and did give us special access to areas we normally would have never seen. From there we went and did Temple work at the Nauvoo Temple and later that afternoon I went to the Nauvoo records building; which is where you can look up your name to see if you had any relatives who lived in Nauvoo. That evening we went to the Red Brick store to have a special Testimony Meeting in the room that not only the Relief Society was formed in, but that same room is where the first Endowments where done. There are a couple of things I wish to point out from this day that I had learned.

1. Even though it's not the original Navuoo Temple, it has that same spirit to it and it's a special and different spirit then any other Temple I have been in. I believe this is from all the work and sacrifice that was made for the Temple. it's something you can feel everywhere because the remains of the first Temple that didn't burn down where used in the houses of the surrounding area.

2. I am not the first member in my family that was LDS, I had a relative who was a member and not only lived in Nauvoo, but also lived right next to a relative of  close friend of mine. The Lord promises that if you're faithful but your family doesn't keep the faith, that latter down the road your family will come back to the Gospel. I know I am a fulfillment of that promise and the ties I have with my friend go further then we know.

3. When I bore my Testimony at the Redbrick store I knew then just how special the spirit of Nauvoo is, it's the same spirit that Joseph Smith had. They call Nauvoo the "City of Joseph" when really is should be called the "City that Joseph served". His office on the second floor is as big as my downstairs bathroom and only had a desk and a twin sized cot for when he was too tired to walk him. This is office that also served as Church Headquarters and City Hall when he was mayor.

A statue of Joseph and Hyrum Smith as they ride off to their end.

Me after getting done working in the Temple.

The room where the first Endowments where done and the Relief Society was formed. We held a Testimony meeting here

Welcome To Joseph Smith's Office

Bishop Russell and I, the man that made this all possible

Day three was what we celebrate in Utah as Pioneer day; it was a very somber start to the day as our second to last stop was at the start of the "Trail of Hope". This is where the Saints started their long journey to Utah. The trail is dotted by signs of quotes from those on the trail, it began to rain the second we left the bus like heaven was shedding tears on behalf of those long dead and ended the second we got to the Mississippi River. I remember the whole way holding back my own tears as I felt the spirit of those who's footprints I was now following. From there we silently went to Carthage Jail, the place of martyrdom for both Joseph and Hyrum Smith. In the room where the shooting began, you can see blood stains on the floor and holes from the balls of the rifles and pistols used.

The view of the Nauvoo Temple from the Trail of Hope

The entrance to the Mississippi River from the Trail of Hope

The window that Joseph Smith Jumped out of after being shot and before being shot to death in overkill

The Room where the Martyrdom occurred. 

  I will always be thankful for that beautifully flawed man known as Joseph Smith Jr. and all that helped to accomplish to restore the Lords church in it's fullness back to the earth. Love him or hate him, Prophet or con-man, he was brilliant, strong, and died for what he believed and knew was right and I know that he would never have accomplished any of this if not for the backing of our Lord and God!

When we got back to Utah, it was in time to watch fireworks go off in multiple cities for Pioneer's day while descending in the plane; I remember knowing that I had left a piece of myself in Nauvoo, and Nauvoo let me have a piece of her to replace it. It is a special place and will now and forever, always have a special place in my heart and soul and I am thankful for all those who sacrificed and worked so hard to show what heaven on earth can be like.

My Daughter, My Lamp, and the Parable of the Ten Virgins

“Be faithful, praying always, having your lamps trimmed and burning, and oil with you, that you may be ready at the coming of the Bridegroom” (D&C 33:17)

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we keep the parable of the Ten Virgins pretty close to heart. The Virgins represent each one of us in the church. We are those who are linked to the "Bridegroom" who is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Our lamps can and do represent different things to us ranging from our Testimony in the Savior, our relationship with the Holy Spirit, our own personal Spirit (or Soul), even our Temple recommends. All in all the key here isn't specifics, it's overall what the lamp is and what it does for you. The lamp is the culmination of your preparedness for when you meet the Lord, regardless if it's at the Second Coming, or when it's time for you to go Home. The oil represents the variety of actions and habits each Latter Day Saint should be cultivating consistently to fill his or her lamp. Spencer W. Kimball (one of our previous Prophets) said this:

 “Attendance at sacrament meetings adds oil to our lamps, drop by drop over the years. Fasting, family prayer, home teaching, control of bodily appetites, preaching the gospel, studying the scriptures—each act of dedication and obedience is a drop added to our store. Deeds of kindness, payment of offerings and tithes, chaste thoughts and actions, marriage in the covenant for eternity—these, too, contribute importantly to the oil with which we can at midnight refuel our exhausted lamps.”

President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985), Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972), 256.

A couple of weeks ago my daughter was sick and while she was sick she constantly fought hard to remain as happy as she could be and tried to play. For me, her being sick and her attitude to prevail was a big learning experience. I started thinking about everything else she's been teaching me since I was blessed with her and then my mind wandered to thinking about the parable of the ten virgins. This though came over me at that time. 

God gave me my daughter to be my lamp; to help give me light in my life both mentality and spiritually. She does in abundance in too numerous of ways to list here. She is my physical reminder as to what the lamp means in the parable. Then I realized that I need to do my part. I must always make sure that she is "full of oil" and her "wick is trimmed". I must treat and take care of her the way God intended this precious little gift of mine to be. In addition to food, clothing, shelter, love and attention. I must also make sure that feels the Spirit of God and always remember Him. I love her for all she's taught me so far.

My Little lamp!

In addition to her is my wife who I now realize that is also one of my lamps. So will the rest of my children when I am blessed with them and then their children will be as well. This is why family is so very important, they help me to have Light in my life and in turn I must take care of them to insure that they light up the lives of others. Our light is an extension of the Light of Christ, I hope that the light I receive while taking care of my Lamps is also shared with others because it's too precious of a gift. And in the end, we are all family and we are all able to receive this gift, no matter how dark it seems currently in your life. I am thankful for my Savior, my God, His Gospel, and this Church!

Science VS. Religion

“There isn't anything to worry about between science and religion, because the contradictions are just in your own mind. Of course they are there, but they are not in the Lord's mind because He made the whole thing, so there is a way, if we are smart enough, to understand them so that we will not have any contradictions.”

― Henry B. Eyring

The separation between Science and Religion really bothers me. This is my view:

If you don't like religion, then stay away from science, science proves there is a God. How else would such beauty, such complicated things in this universe exist without there being  a God. A God who has painted all of this into one big masterpiece called out life. Science gives us a look into the mind of God, and shows us the majesty and intelligence that He has. Science is a small look into the "How To" God wrote.

If you don't like Science then you really must not want to know what God is really capable of. You must not want proof of your religion because science has helped to prove a variety of things. Science has helped to restore and preserve when it comes to archeological findings.  Science really is a peek into the mind of he Almighty.

When one is used for the sole purpose of disproving the other, it becomes nonsense and un-credible in my eyes. Science doesn't disprove the story of Adam and Even at all. It helps us to understand the back story and all the little details that lead up to it, like the dinosaurs. Religion and Science can and should be able to work hand in hand.

Remember, Science and religion both used to teach that the world was flat, both were wrong and both changed. Both help each other to understand each other all the better. Both aren't perfect and both can and are wrong about things at time. But both can learn and become better together and we has His sons and daughters can as well so when I see people who don't believe in God use science to justify it, they are both wrong and immature. When Religion tries to deny the beauty and detail of God's creations, then they are both wrong and blind. Both are mislead and both will learn one day how much more they could have had, had they just had both.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/messages-for-creationists-from-people-who-believe-in-evoluti

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/messages-from-creationists-to-people-who-believe-in-evolutio

This sums up about how immature both sides can be!

Practicum for my Book of Mormon Class

I'm in my first semester at BYU-I through the Pathways program and one of the classes I am taking is an Institute class that covers the first half of the Book of Mormon. The below assignment is a practicum where you choose one gospel doctrine or principle that you would like to improve on or implement in your life from the list below by the end of the semester. I choose language. This is such an important assignment to me that I wanted to share it. Below is my assignment.

"As we reflect on the value of resolving to do better, let us determine to discipline ourselves to carefully select the resolutions we make, to consider the purpose for making them, and finally, to make commitments for keeping them and not letting any obstacle stop us. Let us remind ourselves at the beginning of each day that we can keep a resolution just for that day. As we do this it gets easier and easier until it becomes a habit". -President N. Eldon Tanner

My Goal:

I chose for my goal language and the reason why is because I complain all the time, I can be sarcastic in the sole purpose of being antagonistic to others when I'm not happy. I can be quite guilty of gossiping, and I rarely if ever say anything positive and uplifting about myself. If I ever do, it's only because I am kidding and never sincerely mean it. I suffer from both depression and anxiety and I know that I have a hand in how much I am affected by them in not only what I say, but how I think. Anything that comes out of my mouth is a direct result of my thinking and my perception of life, situations, and myself. In addition with all of this I also can have the mouth of a sailor which has gotten better over the course of time, but I have yet to conquer that habit that I’ve had since I was a child. I hope this goal helps me clean up my mouth, in turn and with that is my sincere hope to clean up my mind and gain some confidence and happiness in the process as well as chance how I perceive my life and myself. Those are my goals and hopes for this project.

Essay:

I can tell you that the fruits of my speech and thoughts are anything but sweet. While I can be very sincere when giving someone a compliment, speaking positive of others or of a situation or thing. While I can teach a class in church or bear testimony with my heart. None of that really ever sticks compared to the negative that invades my mind, heart, and tongue. Because I've allowed myself to become so undisciplined in both thought and speech I have become an ever increasing victim of pessimistic thoughts speech and behavior. The depression and anxiety I suffer take an iron clad hold because I do nothing to fight them. I have intense self-loathing, and my self-worth has been nonexistent for years. One of the most basic truths of the Gospel, the knowledge of being a child of God is so hard for me to comprehend, that it truly affects my testimony.

Speaking about the sacred

While I never speak ill or out of line with the confines of what we consider sacred, there is something that is sacred that I speak ill of all the time, and that would be me. If I am really a child of God, and attempting to be one with the Savior then I am committing and very deeply cutting sin. To quote a talk by D. Todd Christofferson: 

"Turning to another issue, there are matters of speech that have to do with a sense of the sacred. That we are responsible for what we say is clear from the Lord’s statement “that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment” (Matthew 12:36). King Benjamin warns us to watch our thoughts and our words (see Mosiah 4:30), and Alma declares that without repentance, when we are judged, “our words will condemn us, yea . . . ; we shall not be found spotless” (Alma 12:14)."

 The thoughts and words I allow about myself or even when I speak ill of others in the end ultimately only hurt myself and according to the above quote I will one day have to answer to years of thoughts and words unbecoming from a child of God. In addition to what I have coming to me in the afterlife if I don’t repent now.  I also have to deal with my words and thoughts currently in life. This ends up effecting my behavior and therefore when it comes to asking for trust, respect, and understanding from others, they will be less willing to provide. Gordon B. Hinckley recounted this story of his days working on rails:

”I once worked with a group of railroad men who seemed to pride themselves on the use of profanity. They tried to make an art of it. I recall handing a written instruction to a switchman. It was his job to take care of the matter as instructed, but he thought it inconvenient that he should have to do so at that time. On reading the order, he flew into a tantrum. He was a fifty-year-old man, but he acted like a spoiled child. He threw his cap on the ground and jumped on it and let forth such a string of expletives as to seem to cause the air to turn blue around him. Every third or fourth word was the name of Deity spoken in vain.

I thought, how childish can a grown man be? The very idea of a man acting and speaking like that was totally repugnant. I could never again give him my full respect.”

Is this how I really want to be remembered in life? Is that how a child of God acts? How can I ever expect to fulfill my potential in life if I never think enough of myself to ever give myself a chance?

Vulgarity

Since I was a little boy, my parents didn't really regulate what came out of my mouth and therefore as I learned different words, phrases, and dirty jokes from them and others, I ended up with a mouth that only a fallen angel could love. Though I have worked hard at times since my joining the church, I have yet to fully commit to being free of this habit. I think this needs to change and to support how important it is I do, I again quote Gordon B. Hinckley:

“Brethren, stay out of the gutter in your conversation. Foul talk defiles the man who speaks it.”

Because

“This practice is totally unacceptable for one authorized to speak in the name of God. To blaspheme His holy name or to speak in language that is debauched is offensive to God and man.”

Complaining

If there is one thing that everyone know really knows me would tell you that I am great at, it would be complaining. I really like to think that I am a grateful person but how grateful could I really be given the amount I complain in comparison to the amount I complain. This is not only counterproductive is seeing the good in my life but it also a grievous sin Elder Jeffrey R. Holland once said this:

“No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won't make it worse."

More importantly the reason why the lack of gratitude is a sin is as it states in D&C 59:21

“And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments.”

But if I can remove the complaints from my hearts and minds and fill that with more gratitude then as D&C 78:19 states:

“And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.”

As a man of the Priesthood

Having the Priesthood of God means being called upon to give blessings and speaking things that are of a sacred nature. How can I truly speck of the sacred one moment, and speak with the same tongue, things that God would consider vile. When I do this what I am really doing is mocking God and his beloved Son. D. Todd Christopherson spoke of this when he said:

“You know by your own experience that the world is growing more profane, more coarse in speech, but we cannot suffer ourselves to fall into that pattern. Cursing and coarse language mock God and Christ and Their creations. We must never be guilty of mocking the Savior, as happened at His Crucifixion.”

Secondly I am being a bad example of what a disciple of God is to everyone, most importantly, my children. Gordon B. Hinckley was speaking of 1^st Timothy 4:12 when he said:

“’Be thou an example in word.’ He is speaking here of language. I think he is speaking of the things of which I have been speaking. He is saying that coarse and lewd words are incompatible with one’s calling as a believer in Christ.”

Specific Action Plan:

How you will accomplish your goal

1.     No complaining

a.      I will proactively give out 5 complements in a day to people or about the day itself.

b.     Focus on looking for 3 good things about something I want to complain about.

c.       Every day I will pray and tell the Lord what I am grateful for, for just that day.

2.     No sarcasm

a.      I will not “kiddingly” say things to others of an antagonistic nature.

b.     I will be honest and not mislead others in an attempt to be comical.

c.      I will say what I mean, but phrase it openly, and positively.

3.     No gossip

a.      I will refrain from complaining or speaking about other people’s faults

b.     I will not focus on anything but the good and the potential of others.

c.      I will not participate in conversations of an antagonistic nature about others or situations.

4.     Only say positive and uplifting things about others.

a.      I will proactively give out 5 complements in a day to people who the Spirit informs me that needs it.

b.     I will pray for the guidance to see the good in others and refer to “a” in order to achieve it.

c.      I will look for the good actions or talents of others and let them know how much I appreciate them.

How you will document your progress and how you will measure your success and/or failure.

I will be setting up two mason jars, one with a plus sign and one with a negative sign. I will place a bean for every goal I accomplish in a day. For every time I am negative or fail to achieve my goal in a day I take away a bean from the positive jar and place it in the negative jar. end I will take a picture at the end of each week starting next week and at the end of the semester to show which is filled most, count out the beans in each jar, and record memorable situations that occur.  

Quotes taken from the following talks:

http://speeches.byu.edu/index.php?act=viewitem&id=1389

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/the-tongue-of-angels?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1987/10/take-not-the-name-of-god-in-vain?lang=eng

Prayer

Prayer

For my Practicum I chose sincere morning and evening prayer every single day. To be honest I was very tempted to break the honor code and just submit my practicum from last semester due to the amount of stress and the inability to accomplish my homework this week. On top of that, while I did well on it last semester, it seemed to not have a lasting effect in my life and would like to give it another shot. Ultimately I choose the right thing to do and decided to focus my efforts not only on something new, but something I feel impressed to focus on.

Now while I regularly say my morning prayers in the morning and do family prayer at night; I have horribly gotten out of the habit of a personal prayer at night and my morning prayer are often not very well thought out due to the hustle of rushing to work. Add a dash of laziness, stress, depression, mourning, and a whole lot of exhaustion and you have a recipe of someone coming up with a lot of excuses and has been a bad example to his family. I would like to add that I also chose this because I want to work on becoming meeker in life and I think the best path to that beyond studying is spending time on my knees speaking to the one person who I should show meekness to the most.

Summary:

We all have one thing in common and that we've missed being able to speaking to someone we hold dear. Regardless if it’s due to being in a long distance relationship, or maybe you've lost contact with a dear friend or family member for a countless amount of reasons, or worse yet have felt the sting of death in losing someone you love. We have all the felt the loneliness, the heartache, the absolute yearning to be near to our loved ones. We miss everything about them but most of all, we miss just being able to sit down and have a nice long conversation with them, even when it’s about nothing at all.

I would learn this all too well on March 16^th of 2014 when my mom passed away from a five plus month struggle with her body shutting down due to liver failure.  During this struggle my communication with my mom evaporated from a daily occurrence of speaking to her one to three times a day to not being able to speak to her again until after I return home to where my soul originated from. At the beginning of the end my communication with her spot being a daily occurrence to that of maybe every couple of day to maybe three times a week. She started to sleep all day and seem so very tired when I spoke to her, she didn't care about anything I had to say. Then she became more and more incoherent with less and less times of lucidity. Eventually all she ever did was sleep and I would be lucky to get an “I love you too son” or “don’t worry about me, I’m not dying”. By the time she was in the ICU there wasn't much left to her while I tried frantically to get just one last conversation between her and I. That last conversation never happened.

I’m an only child and the closest I've ever been with another person here on earth has been the relationship with my mom, not too discredit the sacred union between my wife and I, because I am working on making that the closest relationship. No matter what though, through thick and thin, the good, bad, the ugly, and the worst of it all, I’ve always had my mom and I could almost always come to her and talk about anything and everything or even nothing at all. These days I always make sure to talk to my father every day and panic every time I don’t hear from him or can't reach him. I know there will come a time when he too will go home, but in the meantime I don’t want to lose out on any opportunity to talk to him, even if it’s the same thing we talk about almost every day.

Now if only I felt the same exact way about speaking to my Father in Heaven right now in my life. There is good reason why I don’t and I am going to let a quote by Bruce C. Hafen explain what the reason is.

“One of the clearest—yet at times most perplexing—themes in the history of God’s dealings with mankind involves his decision to draw a veil between our world of mortality and his world of the eternities. Not only does the veil keep us from remembering our past, which we call the preexistence, but also it keeps us from seeing many things that are going on at the present—for God, his angels, and their activities are hidden from our sight.”

With the veil comes a forgotten relationship with our Father that is a double edged sword. On one end that forgetfulness is a blessing in disguise because if we all remembered just how intimate our relationship was, then I doubt many of us would be able to bare the separation from Him. If the loss of a loved one is any sort of indication of what the separation feels like, then I for one am glad not to feel it at this time. This principle applies also to repentance and staying faithful to the Gospel in order to come back home to Him and all those who you’ve missed while here on earth. The other side of the sword comes the ease it can give you to turn your back on God. To forsake a relationship you remember having and not realizing just how deep, intimate, and sacred that relationship is. This is why prayer is so important.

While there is plenty to learn while here on earth, one of the few things you are never really learning is your relationship to your Father in Heaven. You can only remember it and have that relationship revealed to you as you slowly tear away at that veil. And that process is called Personal Revelation and prayer is an essential key in order to receive it. I will let Elder L. Lionel Kendrick explain the process in detail.

“To pray is to have a conversation with Deity. This sacred and supernal communication with Heavenly Father is a divine and delicate process. This crucial communication should be conducted with great care and in compliance with sacred counsel.

Pray often. To receive personal revelation requires a constant, concentrated effort in which we continue to petition Heavenly Father about our concerns. We cannot become casual in our communications with Him. To do so is to ignore the counsel to “trifle not with sacred things” (D&C 6:12). We must follow the counsel to “pray unto him continually by day, and give thanks unto his holy name by night” (2 Ne. 9:52). It is not the duration of our prayers but the depth of our desire that results in revelation.

Ponder before you pray. The Savior counseled, “Study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right” (D&C 9:8). The Prophet Joseph Smith was pondering the meaning of John 5:29, concerning the Resurrection. He said, “And while we meditated upon these things, the Lord touched the eyes of our understandings and they were opened” (D&C 76:19).

We must ponder before we pray. We must study, meditate, and seek for enlightenment concerning the matters for which we seek personal revelation.

Ask for the right things. We must be careful that we ask for that which is right. The Savior counsels that we should “not ask for that which you ought not” (D&C 8:10). He warns, “And if ye ask anything that is not expedient for you, it shall turn unto your condemnation” (D&C 88:65).

Avoid vain repetitions. The Savior has counseled that “when ye pray, use not vain repetitions” (3 Ne. 13:7; see also 3 Ne. 19:24). Our individual prayers should not be rote recitations; they should be personal in nature and not preset presentations. We should express our thoughts and feelings in a heartfelt way. President Harold B. Lee counseled: “The most important thing you can do is to learn to talk to God. Talk to Him as you would talk to your father, for He is your Father, and He wants you to talk to Him. He wants you to cultivate ears to listen, when He gives you the impressions of the Spirit to tell you what to do.” 4

Ask in faith. Prayers of faith are heard and answered. The Savior gave a powerful promise concerning the power of faith in our prayers: “And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you” (3 Ne. 18:20).

Ask in humility. Our communications with Heavenly Father must be done with great humility. This is a form of reverence and respect for Deity. It is submitting our will to His will. The Savior said, “Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers” (D&C 112:10).

Praying with great humility is essential if our prayers are to be heard and answered. The Savior has given a warning to all who forget the importance of the principle of humility: “For although a man may have many revelations, and have power to do many mighty works, yet if he boasts in his own strength, and sets at naught the counsels of God, and follows after the dictates of his own will and carnal desires, he must fall and incur the vengeance of a just God upon him” (D&C 3:4).

Ask in sincerity. If we are to receive personal revelation, we must petition Heavenly Father with the sincerity of our soul. If we are not serious about the things we ask, He will not bless us with answers to our prayers. Mormon cautioned, “And likewise also is it counted evil unto a man, if he shall pray and not with real intent of heart; yea, and it profiteth him nothing, for God receiveth none such” (Moro. 7:9).

Ask with intensity. Enos is a great example of one who prayed with great intensity. He wanted more than anything else to be forgiven of his sins. He described his desire and the level of intensity of his prayer: “And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul” (Enos 1:4).

Mormon counseled, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart” (Moro. 7:48).

To pray intently and with energy of heart involves focusing with faith on your conversation with Heavenly Father. It also involves closing out the world as if only you and He are present during this divine discussion.

Wait for answers. In a world of instant communication, we are prone to become impatient and want instant answers to our prayers. God always answers prayers, but He does it in His own way and in His own time. Perhaps it is wise to remember this counsel: “Be still and know that I am God” (D&C 101:16).”

To add to this and a key in our relationship with our Father is being meek, Neal A. Maxwell said it best when he said the following.

“Meekness constitutes a continuing invitation to continuing education. No wonder the Lord reveals His secrets to the meek, for they are "easy to be entreated" (Alma 7:23). Not only are the meek more teachable, but they continuously receive, with special appreciation, "the engrafted word" (James 1:21), as the apostle James said—and, as Joseph Smith described it, the pure flow of intelligence (see Teachings, p. 151)—all from the divine databank.”

I want to be taught, I want to have this relationship I know I already have if I can just remember it, cultivate it, and help it to grown into something more and all I need to do is have a daily conversation with my Father in Heaven, and mean it.

Action Plan:

My goal will be to increase my personal prayers to two plus daily, they being meaningful and given adequate time for communication.

I will keep a prayer journal documenting the number of personal prayers in day and any specifics spoken about or impressions given while in prayer or in response to prayer. IF there isn't any prayer in that day then the only thing that will be on that days page is the date, the rest will be blank as a symbol of what I lost out on.

I will measure my success or failure on a day by day basis, by the amount of blank pages versus those with something in them no matter how little. I will also measure out my success based off of my influence on my family and the growth or lack thereof in the relationship with my Father.